A Space for Parents Experiencing
the Intense Emotions of Hoping for a Child’s Sex
Many parents experience what is commonly called ‘gender disappointment’ but is now known as ISRia (Imagined Infant Sex Rupture, pronounced Iz-ree-ia). This experience encompasses the complex feelings that can arise when your baby’s sex doesn’t match the hopes or expectations you had. You might be thinking, “I thought I’d have a boy” or “this was my last chance for my little girl”, and experiencing emotions like confusion, shame, grief, anger, or loneliness and despair.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. This space exists for you.
Hello, I’m Dr Nina Francis
When I experienced what was then called ‘gender disappointment’ but now ISRia it was like nothing I’d ever experienced before, it was horrendous, and undoubtedly changed my life. I decided it was simply not okay that parents were feeling all the really difficult, complex and overwhelming feelings of 'gender disappointment’ yet were being left to do it completely alone. No scientifically backed information and research to draw on, no care pathways for those who were suffering, nothing. ‘Gender disappointment’, or ISRia, hit me hardest 10 years ago in 2015 and from then everything I have done has been working towards the creation of this website, our course, and community space ‘The Shared Path’ and soon to be published book. I work closely with the amazing Dr Lindsay McMillan and together we are committed to bringing support to parents and education to health care professionals.
And you are so warmly welcomed to this space, it has been created for you.
What My Research Tells Us ‘Gender Disappointment’ Which We Now Call ISRia Maybe…
Why 'Gender Disappointment', Now ISRia, Can Feel So Hard
For many parents, ’gender disappointment’ which is now called
iisria is about far more than just sex. It is often connected to:
An imagined parent–child relationship
Your sense of identity as a parent
Cultural or family expectations
Past experiences or longings
Your love for a child you've held in your heart for many
years but who has not been born
These feelings and experiences are often not shared, even when
the parent is really struggling and wants help. That’s why we are
here; to make space for these conversions and understanding,
together with others who understand.
A Place to Understand and Reflect
Here, you are invited to:
Access information and resources to help with what we now call ISRia but have called ‘gender disappointment’
Explore your emotions in a way that makes sense
Connect with other parents who understand because they are walking the same path
Find language for feelings and experiences that are hard to get hold of
Support for Parents Who Are Experiencing ‘Gender Disappointment’,
now ISRia
If you’re struggling with thoughts like “I wanted a boy” or “I need my daughter”, you can find support here. This space can help you:
Understand when and why these feelings arise
Connect emotions to your lived experience
Reduce shame
Develop tools and strategies to support you for those times when e.g. someone tells you they are pregnant, or you need to walk thought the baby girls/boys clothes section in a shop
How We Support You
Small-Group Course
Our welcoming small-group course offers support for parents who want to:
Explore their experience of ‘gender disappointment’
Understand some of the emotional patterns behind what we now call ISRia rather than ‘gender disappointment’
Build skills and strategies to better navigate the overwhelming ‘gender disappointment', now ISRia, emotions
You’re Welcome Here
If you’ve never spoken about your ISRia, previously known as ‘gender disappointment’ feelings before, that’s okay.
If you’re unsure what you need, that’s okay too.
You don’t have to walk this path alone. Support and understanding are here for anyone navigating ‘gender disappointment’, now ISRia.